For an Academy Award-winning director, Steven Soderbergh sure knows how to make entirely forgettable films. From his accidentally humorous biological thriller of yesteryear, Contagion (“Someone doesn’t have to weaponize the bird flu. The birds are doing that.”), to his recently released, brainless action film, “Haywire," Soderbergh has demonstrated his ability to entirely miss the figurative mark. 

Now, I won’t assert that you would enjoy watching Alvin and his chipmunk posse burst into song with prepubescent fervor on a deserted island more than you would “Haywire.” What I will say, however, is that Steven Soderbergh saw Gina Carano, a professional MMA competitor, fight in the ring and thought: “Wow, I could base a whole movie around this woman fighting.” Seriously, that’s actually the origin of this film’s premise. Surprisingly enough, such a base formula will not fail to entertain you, though it will constantly remind you of its paper-thin simplicity. 

The film opens with Mallory (Gina Carano), a surly woman with a vacant expression—one of her two expressions in this movie—as she sits in a diner. Before long, a burly man named Aaron (Channing Tatum) approaches the building. Mallory swears out loud as she sees Aaron enter—Carano’s monotonous facial expressions require expository explanations from the screenwriter, Lem Dobbs. We learn that Aaron and Mallory were once partners, lovers and freelance members of a private firm working under the same person, from whom Mallory is currently on the run. 

The opening scene is probably the best in the entire movie—you could leave after the first seven minutes and come almost as close as you possibly could to getting your money’s worth. After a brief conversation in which Aaron unsuccessfully tries to calmly convince Mallory to enter his car, he suddenly splashes hot coffee in Mallory’s face and clubs her senseless about the bar. We quickly learn why Soderbergh picked Carano as his star: she recovers, beats the crap out of Aaron and escapes, with the help of a Good (read: coerced) Samaritan that gives Mallory the use of his car.

The rest of the story is told mostly in expository flashbacks as the ex-marine explains her circumstance to the aforementioned bystander, and through these scenes we learn that this film is none other than a “one last job before retiring” story, and surprisingly, the last job goes awry.

The patchwork plot of “Haywire” is an excuse for visceral, engaging action. Make no mistake: the fight scenes in this film are well choreographed and very entertaining. The camera is distant enough from the fighting to enable viewers to actually see what’s happening (no Paul Greengrass shaky cam here) and the cinematography makes for a captivating experience. 

In addition to camerawork, sound design is crucial to the action. When the film’s score dies down, you know what’s coming. The fight scenes occur in total silence, with only the bone-crunching connections between fists and face echoing about the room; gunshots are sparing and, as such, come across as powerful and deadly. The action is by far the only reason to see this movie. Unfortunately, those rational enough to assume that the one reason is Michael Fassbender will be disappointed.

While the best part of the film is its hand-to-hand fight scenes, its weakest point is its writing. While you would expect actors like Ewan McGregor (who plays the ex-boyfriend, ex-boss and antagonist, Kenneth), Michael Douglas (a government agent), Michael Fassbender (a British agent) and Antonio Banderas (Douglas’ contact) to give good performances, it appears as though they had little to work with. I got the sense that the actors were forced to deliver unnatural, uninteresting lines that made their performances come off as flat and uninspired. Carano, on the other hand, simply didn’t seem to have the acting chops. Her delivery lacked passion, nuance, or even slight interest. The very decision to cast her as his lead role makes Soderbergh seem willing to emphasize style in lieu of substance.

Though the movie is largely forgettable and I can’t confidently say that it’s worth your money, “Haywire” will entertain you with its impressive, stylistic action. 

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